When you get married, you hear all the cliches - from "the first year is the hardest" to how your first year of marriage will be a "honeymoon period." I can honestly say that for us, both have proven to be true.
There have been days of true joy - happy moments with someone I've grown to know so intimately and love deeply, the security of having found someone to share life with and the happy comfort of having a partner, lover and friend for life!
We also experienced some very hard times -and problems have come about that I never expected. When I think back to arguments we've had - maybe one or two that have been about something important (ie: family, finances etc). The source of most of our challenges has been how to merge into ONE, two very different individuals, expectations, day to day lives, conversation styles etc.
In part, I think that my husband and I have had the extra challenge of both being older and more settled in our ways when we got married. I turned 30 a few days before our wedding and he was 36. We've both lived on our own, and without roommates, for the past several years, and as such have developed our own way of doing things.
We also come from two very different families. His parents were married very young via an arranged marriage and just celebrated their 43rd anniversary. They come from a very traditional Indian background and have a lived most of their (she was 17 when they were married!) lives together. In their family, typically one person speaks at a time, and a lot of reverence is given to the men in the family. The women are definitely treated well, but my husband's mother is extremely respectful and defferent to her husband. There are rarely arguments or even discussions. Their extended family is not close and as such they have celebrated most occasions as a small family of four (my hubby has a sister). Obviously how my husband was raised has influenced his expectations for his wife and marriage.
My parents were married for 15 years and divorced when I was 12. My Mom comes from a very outgoing family and during family get-togethers everyone joyfully talks at once! My Dad comes from a more reserved family full of intellectuals who are very "on their game" regarding the hot issues of the day. My Mom, Dad, sister and I all enjoy spirited discussions on a variety of topics. Growing up I lived primarily with my Mom and sister and am very used to living in an all girl household - full of lots of talking! I am also used to getting into an minor argument with a family member and then having it be "over" in the next minute. We get over things pretty quickly and are used to the ups and downs of girly emotions!
As you can see, we come from pretty different backgrounds and have the early marriage communication challenges to prove it! : ) And I bet that many of you who come from backgrounds more similar to your spouse can relate too!
The good news is, you CAN blend the lives of two very different people into a happy life together. It just takes patience, kindness, faithfulness and self control. Ahhh the "Fruits of the Spirit"!
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
-Galatians 5:22
Guess God was on to something! : )
I hope to share more with you about how we continue to strengthen our marriage and grow together.
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